we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
