ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
