Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
what day is it and did you see me today?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
