We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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