I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
