The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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