I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
