i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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