Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
