If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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