just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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