I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Randomize
