very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
