i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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