It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
