the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
