You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You ate ashes out of my bong
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
