you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
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Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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