can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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