it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
