Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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