Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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