I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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