All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
