I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
