So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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