I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
