I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
