I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
