ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?