Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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