im gay
i know
yea but for you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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