My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
