The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
so much tequila, so little girl.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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