I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
