but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize