watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
