Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
