hotel room ftw
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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