dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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