Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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