i already hear my dad disowning me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
