saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
