I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
did you just send me my own nude
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
