she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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