He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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