my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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