At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think your dad took our porno
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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