I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
