He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
