i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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