I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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