Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Houston, we have a squirter
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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