I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
