i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
