I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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