If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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