No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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