just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
