i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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