Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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