I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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