Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
