Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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